For most of my life avoiding the edge was paramount. Comfort and stability were key. Any edge I encountered was not instigated by me. However, I was vaguely aware of the growth that happened in my life with each unintentional brush. It was the way I was raised. It was my personality. It was how my small community approached life. I was good with it. I didn’t know any better, nor did I wish to.
“When you make it a point to avoid edges in your life you start to distort what an edge really looks like.”
Not only did I avoid edges like the plague, if I did encounter one I was intensely proud of it and felt everyone within earshot needed to hear of my bravery and fortitude. Why? I felt sure no other person had experienced something so extreme as my experience. My view was shallow. My world, self-centered. When you make it a point to avoid edges in your life you start to distort what an edge really looks like.
Even when I had these moments in my life that nudged me forward, I approached them with an eyes squeezed shut, let’s just get through this mentality. I still did them, but the growth I might have achieved had I approached them with authentic presence did not occur.
For me, it took a forceful encounter with a true edge–my spirit after the sudden passing of my father, to genuinely understand what an edge is. I tried to squeeze my eyes shut and just get through it. It didn’t work. I tried to dull the pain and just ignore it. It didn’t work. I tried to tell myself to grow up; to just get over it, around it, through it. It didn’t work.
“I was forced to sit with it. To experience it. To realize I was at a precipice of two choices.”
I was forced to sit with it. To experience it. To realize I was at a precipice of two choices. I could let my grief define me and choose to continue to rail at how unfair life is. Or, I could choose to accept the situation.
Accepting didn’t mean I was okay with everything or even understood it. All accepting did was free myself of the weight of heavy expectations. Expectations of what I thought the rest of his life and the rest of my life should look like.
“Knowing there is knowledge and growth at the edge, if I will only allow myself to see it. To feel it. To let it enter my body, settle in my bones and alter who I am for the better. “
For me, finding my edge in life is choosing acceptance over fighting life experiences tooth and nail. My edge means leaning into the tough moments with my eyes wide open, instead of squeezing them shut while I hide in the corner waiting for the storm to pass. Being present with the harsh reality. Not loving it, but accepting it for what it is. My edge is realizing anxiety is normal, but if I constantly let it define me and my life choices, then I’m not living the life meant for me. Knowing there is knowledge and growth at the edge, if I will only allow myself to see it. To feel it. To let it enter my body, settle in my bones and alter who I am for the better.
Buddha said, “Serenity only comes when you trade acceptance for expectations.” My edge is choosing to accept instead of expect.
Take a moment. Close your eyes.
As you deeply and slowly fill your lungs with air let joy flow within you to fill all pockets of your body with goodness and happiness. As you breathe out, let peace wrap around you in a blanket of calmness, comfort and acceptance of what was, what is, and what will be.
Breathe in joy, breathe out peace.
Today, and everyday, let your soul shine.
-V
Joy and Soulshine 