Shapeshifter, you haunt me.
At times you are an energetic puppy demanding my attention. So many things to do! You want to toil and balance all of the spinning plates. You tell me everything will be okay, everything will be perfect, once we do all-of-the-things, buy all-of-the-things, have-all-of-the-things.
At times you are my most hurtful critic. You tell me I’m ugly. You tell me I’m not smart. That I’m not funny. That I’m lazy and not enough. That I’m not worth love.
“Sometimes you appear as beautiful memories making my heart smile…”
Sometimes you appear as beautiful memories making my heart smile, but then you tell me the future will NEVER be as good as the past.
There have been times where you whisper words of encouragement. But, as soon as I start running you stick your foot out–I trip and land on my face.
You kick me when I’m down.
You tell me the world is a terrifying place that I’m not equipped to handle. You frighten me with your foreboding and gloom. You make my heart race, my hands shake…my body lethargic.
Your grasp is tight–it’s painful. Your pressure weighs down on me until I hunch my shoulders and hang my head in defeat.
“You make the rules I live by.”
YOU are in control. YOU are all powerful. YOU make the rules I live by.
But…if I can catch you and hold onto you. If I can cradle you tight in the light of my soul you will soften like butter. You will open and allow the goodness, the love and the truth to enter and guide us.
But you are as slippery as a greased pig. If I chase, if I demand, if I command–you just run.
“…I am still good. Still lovely. Still enough.”
No…I’ve learned I can catch you in the stillness. In the quiet. When you relax and acquiesce to my hold, my warmth. This is where my soul allows peace to gently come in. You no longer torment me here. You recognize that even though perfection is a million light years away, I am still good. Still lovely. Still enough.
You and the light can be one.
With this a shift happens. The heavy pressure and my shoulders lift in unison. My heart stops racing and beats strong. My hands quiet. The energetic light floods you and my body allowing us to walk through the darkness together following our truth. The solid roots of anger, pain and disgust soften with this. Happiness, strength and joy flood in and wash them away.
I was right, you know…You, my beautiful, crazy, terrifying mind have the MOST important power. You have the power to choose.
“You are the gatekeeper.”
Within each moment, each breath, you can choose the darkness or the light. Both don’t force their way in. They must be invited and received. That is up to you. You are the gatekeeper.
That is why you, my mind, matter most.
Take a moment. Close your eyes.
As you deeply and slowly fill your lungs with air let joy flow within you to fill all pockets of your body with goodness and happiness. As you breathe out, let peace wrap around you in a blanket of calmness, comfort and acceptance of what was, what is, and what will be.
Breathe in joy, breathe out peace.
Today, and everyday, let your soul shine.
-V
Joy and Soulshine 